There Are These People Called 'Hipsters'

Hipsters with their coiffed hair and well tended beards (even the women)
ride their Scramblers to interesting places

I've been reading the somewhat baffled traditional motorcycle media's reviews of the new Ducati Scrambler. With few exceptions these articles are being written by Baby Boomers who find the idea of "hipsters' to be very mock-worthy. That Ducati is aiming the Scrambler at a younger audience really seems to get up the nose of Boomers, who are used to everything being about them.


Being a Generation Xer I'm skeptical of any kind of social organization and assume nothing is ever about me, but I also find that I have more culturally in common with other people of my generation than I do with any other social distinction (race, class, education, religion, politics, citizenship...). When living in Japan the GenXers we met had so many shared experiences with us that we just fell in together; the times in which you find yourself define you. If you're looking for a review of social organization by birth cohort (generation), then this piece by The Social Librarian will catch you up. See if it doesn't do a decent job of describing your people.

I'm not sure why people can't treat generational differences in the same way they treat cultural differences. You'd be a big jerk if you decided to travel around the world and spent all your time talking about how every other culture is stupid compared to yours, yet people don't seem to hesitate when doing that about other generations. That Baby Boomers, themselves once torn apart in the media because of their newness, are now having a go at hipsters shows just how bad their memories are getting as they age.

At 3:16 you get a good look at how the media

inflamed this situation rather than reporting it

accurately. You'd think Boomers would remember...

As a bald forty something who can't grow a nice beard, I still find that I enjoy hipster bike media even though I could never pull off the look...

If Hipsters make beautiful films and love riding,

then I think I'm a fan...

According to the urban dictionary, hipsters "value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter." What's not to like about that?  Unless you're a cranky, old, conservative, Boomer motorcyclist who thinks that the pinnacle of motorcycle evolution is a Harley Fat Boy, you'd have to think it delightful.

Beards, hair product & old bikes...

Hipsters are one of the primary movers of the café racer resurgence. They enjoy looking back before the neo-liberal globalization that Boomers have brought us, I can get into that too.

Given a choice between hanging out with a bunch of Harley Boomers at a Tim Hortons or a group of Hipsters at an artisanal beer bar/gastro-pub, I know where I'd head.


I'm left thinking maybe motorcycle magazines need to diversify their writers instead of hiring all the guys they went to high school with in 1970. Maybe then anyone other than a Boomer might get a fair shake in print. In the meantime, go Ducati, go!  A successful Scrambler means all those traditional, conservative motorcycle magazines will have to update their staff (maybe even hire someone born after 1965!), or face irrelevance.

The world moves on. Enjoy hipsters while they're here, soon enough they'll grow up and sell out like everyone else has (some first-class GenX skepticism there, eh?).

The desperate attempt to pry motorcycles from the well manicured hands of the hipster is ongoing...

The Desperate American Cruiser

I've been reading Inside Motorcycles, Canada's Source for Motorcycle News.  Their February/March 2015 issue has an article that underlines the desperation of the American cruiser.

In it they describe the Victory Gunner as over-priced, unable to corner and smooth.  They then go on to say, "...the Gunner is a bruiser, built to lurk about town striking fear into all those fancy Euro and Japanese machines."

If 'fancy' is code for motorcycles that can go around corners and out handle this 'bruiser' in every way, then I'll go with fancy.  My tiny Ninja 650r with only 37% of the Gunner's displacement, and not even a full on sport bike will trash this 'bruiser' in any straight line competition, and it corners nicely too.  It costs less on gas, less on insurance and looks fantastic.  I'll bet it'll have less maintenance headaches too.  So far, 'fancy' is looking pretty sensible.  

I'm not sure what the Victory Gunner is bruising (other than its rider's tailbone), but Inside Motorcycles has managed to clearly highlight the desperate, reaching nature of the American Cruiser in one short piece.  This 'bruiser' is a pretty boy who is designed to make its rider feel like a dude, but not ride like one.

I welcome this 'brusier' appearing out of the shadows and attempting to strike fear into my 'fancy' (and significantly cheaper) Japanese bike.  I will be sure to reserve a little pity for the mediocre guy on the 'cool' bike who desperately hopes it's working for him.

Toronto Bike Show 2015

The Toronto Bike Show at the Direct Energy Centre at the CNE was once again a nice day out.  What made it even better was that somehow managed to convince my highly educated, non-biking wife to join us, and she too had a great time.  I'm glad she picked this show as her first.  The TMS is a manufactures' show case, so far fewer pirates and half naked girls and a much more professional presentation.

Here are some pictures from the show... 



The Honda NM4: a bizarre styling exercise that I could get into because it's supposedly based on the bike from Akira... the seating position was so weird and cruisery that I shrugged and walked away.  Would I like to see more anime themed bikes?  You bet, but not if they are ergonomically set up like American cruisers.  

The more bikes I sit on, the more I prefer the good 'ol standard riding position (every tall adventure bike I sat on was awesome) for long distance riding and the sport position for hard riding.  Anything else isn't for riding, it's for preening.

Way to go Toronto Motorcycle Show!  You got my wife out to a motorbike show!  Why would you want her there?  Well, she makes six figures, has two undergrad degrees and a Masters, has a huge social media presence and teaches other teachers how literacy and technology work.  That Indian Motorcycles produced the beautifully modern and yet classical Scout and it caught her attention says good things for the future of the TMS and the Scout!







There are some bikes that just make you go all wobbly.  The Suzuki Hayabusa is one of those for me.  It also happens to be one of the few bikes out there that will get me to one of my bucket list items.  That something this powerful also happens to fit me better than smaller bikes while looking so fantastic makes me think I'd rather be on a Hayabusa rocketing into the future than on the Honda NM4 pretending to.











The Ducati Scrambler.  This bike is supposed to be designed for 'hipsters'.  I'm not sure why preening pretty boys should get dibs on this lovely machine.  The Scrambler is a light, Swiss-army knife of a bike that does what bikes used to do before marketing types decided what you should be doing with them and engineers started designing them only for niches.

The Scrambler feels like a throwback to a time before marketing dictated riding, and I, a forty something bald guy, want to be considered for the ride!












The nearly weightless and astonishingly powerful Ducati Panigale 1299!  It's like putting on fantastic Italian shoes (I guess).

Wow, what a machine!

















What goes where on the Panigale 899.  


















Ducati Diavel... Ducati's idea of a cruiser also appears to be my idea of a cruiser.  This bike fit like a glove, and was stunning as well!

I was surprised at how impactful Ducati was on me this time around.  The Scrambler was magnetic, the Diavel was stunning and the Panigale was otherworldly!  These jewel like machines deserve more attention from me.













The Triumph Bonneville... and some photo-bomber guy.



















The Triumph Speed Triple.  What a beautiful machine!  With Triumph dealers so far away, I'm not feeling able to make the leap to a manufacturer that represents my homeland so well, but I hope to one day!

Like the other big adventure bikes, The BMW GS fits a tall guy nicely.  I'm hard pressed to find other bikes that feel as comfortable and capable as this kind of motorbike.  The Suzuki V-Strom was also a mighty comfortable fit, as was the Kawasaki Versys.











We're two hours in and the little guy is about done... the last bike I sat on, the BMW R9T.  A beautifully put together bike that didn't give me the same charge the Ducati Scrambler did.

I also bumped into Glenn Roberts from Motorcycle Mojo and James Nixon from Cycle Canada.  Glenn has a photographic memory of the hundreds of people he must talk to at these events, remembering the bike I rode from our last chat a year ago!  The talk with James got into how photography isn't the only way to graphically support a story in a magazine.  It was nice to have a few minutes to chat with representatives from my two favourite Canadian motorcycle magazines.

Once again, the Toronto Motorcycle Show was worth the 3 hour round trip down to Toronto.  That it managed to be the focus of a great family day out and also managed to impress my new-to-bike-shows wife puts it in a special category of awesomeness.

We'll be back next year!

Fat Guys On Bikes

Even my leaner summer weight is still
overweight / borderline obese.

I got called in for a checkup at my local MDs last week.  I'm not a little fellow, at 6'3" I usually tip the scales at about 110 kilos (~240lbs).  At that weight I don't carry much extra weight anywhere, though my BMI tells me that I'm on the verge of obesity there, which doesn't make it a very effective tool for encouraging reduction.  According to the BMI I should weigh 175lbs, which is astonishing.  I think I'd look emaciated at that weight on my frame.  Even as a lean teen I was about 200lbs.

The checkup was a followup for blood pressure, which I'm in a healthy range on.  The shock came when I got weighed.  The middle of winter isn't the best time to weigh yourself, especially when we're in the middle of the coldest winter on record.  When going outside hurts you tend to turtle by the fireplace.

At 262lbs, I'm well into obesity now, though I still consider myself active and can get out of a chair without making strange noises.  I've been doing yoga once a week, but dropped hockey because of the driving involved and the general level of jerkiness I experience playing with frustrated middle aged men.

The nurse asked what goals I'd like to set considering the good blood pressure but surprising fat-guy score.  I'd been thinking about exercising more, but when you don't tell anyone about it you're not held to anything.  I told the nurse I wanted to get back to 240lbs, so now I've told someone and I'm on the hook.

I've been hitting the elliptical twice a week for half an hour each time in addition to the yoga.  Between that and not eating everything that comes my way, I'm hoping to get back down under the 75th percentile for my gender and height.

Hopefully I can avoid the specialty
leathers when I finally get kitted out.

I've always tended to approach getting in shape backwards, I wait for the opportunity before preparing for it.  When I was preparing to join the police force, I was working out regularly while aiming for that physical exam.   With no reason to get into shape, why bother?

This time round I've set a reward for getting in shape.  If I can hit the weight goal I'll sign myself up for the weekend racing school.  Those little 125cc Hondas don't need a fat guy sitting on them, and the other riders don't need to see a 260+ lb guy trying to squeeze into race leathers.  Bruce Willis once said he can't be bothered to exercise at all, the only thing that motivates him is vanity.  If he knows he's going to be filmed with his shirt off he hits the gym.  I've got vanity and physics encouraging me.

As the nurse said, it's not a matter of binge exercise or diet, it's about habit changing.  I don't need to get all monk like and have only cabbage and water.  If I can get into a comfortably doable new normal, I won't worry about the numbers and just see where I end up.  Be active at least 3 times a week (with a heart rate above 130), be reasonable with food consumption, and see where that gets me.  Enjoy my exercise (I have been so far, I've been watching Closer to the Edge while I get sweaty), and see how it affects my mood (positively so far, I look forward to it).

One of the tough things about getting older is staying active.  Life is busy, and the whole, 'if you stay fit you'll live longer!' argument doesn't do much for me.  If that means I'm sitting in an old-age home drooling on myself in forty years, I'd just as soon not be.  What is motivating is setting reachable goals, feeling better and rewarding myself for it with a bucket list experience.  With any luck I'll be blogging about that race weekend in June (and looking good in the pictures).

Bike Delivery System: escaping frozemagheddon!

It's supposed to drop into the -40°Cs in the next couple of days.  We're in the bowels of winter here and I'm getting cabin fever.  I've already day dreamed of the kit I'd need to go to track days, but that kit would serve another purpose, to get me clear of the never ending winter with my own bike.

Having a second vehicle that is utilitarian is never a bad idea, but I'm not much of a truck guy.  I am a Guy Martin fan though, and he happens to have a Transit Van!  You can pick up a well maintained, low miles Transit Van on autotrader.ca for about twenty grand, or about the price of a new hatchback.  It'll get over 32mpg,  and will happily carry a couple of bikes and kit (or other stuff) as needed.  With a carrying capcity of over 1600lbs, it would be more than up to the job of moving two bikes and riders out of the snow belt.

When it's about to hit -40°C, the Transit could get loaded up for a long weekend and aimed south.  A power drive could get me to The Tail of the Dragon, where the two bikes in back could be unloaded, ridden hard, put away wet and driven back into the inhuman wintry darkness after a couple of days of two wheeled therapy.

Tail of the Dragon, eating its own tail!

The Tail of the Dragon is only 11 hours away, but while it's minus forty here, it's in the low teens in Tennessee.  A banzai ride in the van into ride-able territory would make the vehicle much more than just a track day tool.

Based out of Marysville, Tennesee, I'd do a 210 mile loop one way and then do it backwards the next day...  Friday: leave noon, arrive in Marysville about 11pm.  Saturday: all day clock wise.  Sunday: all day counter clockwise. Monday: leave after breakfast, be home by 8pm.

Stage one would be getting the van.  At that point I'm in for about $20k.  It'll also come in handy for track days and picking up bikes.  I'd be able to throw my Ninja and a buddy's bike in there for the drive down and get to it.

The Triumph Daytona took out bikes twice its
displacement in Performance Bike's Track test.

Stage two would be getting a bike that doesn't have to compromise to get me there.  A sport focused machine that will arrive ready to take on the twisties would do the trick.  My first choice would be the Triumph Daytona 675R.  At only 189kgs (416lbs) ready to ride, it's a light weight machine that punches well above its displacement.

You can pick up a new, last year's Daytona for about twelve thousand bucks.  For the ten grand under the price of the cheapest Volvo SUV, I'd have a a bike delivery system of epic proportions, with an epic bike in the back of it.  When it isn't taking me out of the snow belt it could be picking up used bikes or taking me to track days.

I've almost talked myself into this!

A big ask

After wandering around the NAIMs the one motorcycle wish I had was RACER5.  I had a nice chat with the people running the stand and after seeing that, a weekend in the summer getting my race license would be the most awesome May/June or early July weekend birthday present I could think of.

They run the three day course at Grand Bend Motorplex on little Hondas.  You get lots of track time and classroom support.  By the end of the course you get your racing license.  Watching how they set up the bikes would also be handy as I'd eventually like to build my own track bike.

They also offer kit rentals, so I could get a good idea of what size I'd need as well as how racing gear fits.

The race focus would allow me to explore riding dynamics at an advanced level on a closed track.  I'd be able to bring that knowledge back to my riding on the road.  As a form of insurance, it might well save me a lot of grief.

It's a big ask, but it would make one hell of a birthday present.  I wonder if any other bikers I know would be interested.

2015 North American International Motorcycle Show

This was my son and I's second go around at the big, messy NAIMS.  It feels more like a jumble sale than a bike show, but we have a good time storming around the International Centre in Mississauga.

This show's best attribute is its timing.  Just as everyone is getting snowed in and a bit stir crazy along comes this ludicrously large motorbike extravaganza to satisfy all appetites.

We did it backwards this year, wandering around the clubs and smaller vendor hall before pushing through the big halls and finally getting to see the custom bikes (we missed Hall 5 last year).

It was nice to talk face to face with a fellow CoGer (they had a stand).  It makes me want to get out to one of their local meetings.  That they don't dress like pirates (which seems to be a thing with many of the other clubs) ingratiates them to me even more.

Ironically, both times we've purchased things at this show we've done it from Two Wheel Motorsports, our local dealer.  One of the instructors from my motorcycle licensing course works there and he always remembers me, which is some good customer service.  This time around I stumbled upon an armoured jacket that happened to have my initials on it.  $100 for a $270 retail jacket?  Nice.  My son also got some iron man coloured leather gloves ($50 retail, twenty bucks at the show) that he was very happy with.

NAIMS is definitely good for shopping, though many of the larger retailers there didn't seem to be offering prices much different than on their webpages.  It's also pretty much the same gear over and over again.  If you're looking for something a bit off the beaten path (like ROOF helmets?) then you're outa luck.

The custom show in Hall 5 out back was full on bizarre.  Some beautiful paint on some plain ridiculous bikes, Hall 5 is where the pirates with disposable income go!

We enjoyed the show, but once again, grumpy old men selling Victory Motorcycles growled at my son when he tried to sit on one... it's always a good idea to bring a bike to a show and not expect anyone to sit on it.  Once again, Kawasaki and Harley were the only two manufactures that showed up and provided bikes you're expected to sit on.

The Toronto Motorcycle Show comes along in February down at the CNE.  That's the one you want to aim at if you want to actually sit on bikes.  We'll be there ready to sit on everything!

Motorbike Dreams

The first motorcycle dream I had was barely remembered, but I woke up pulling hard on the brake with my hand instead of using my foot.  I've had driving dreams for years, but I can clearly remember that first time I woke up aware of operating a bike in my dreams.  I can't remember the context, but it was nice to know my subconscious was working over the details of riding as much as my conscious mind was.

The other day while home from work sick with the flu I woke up from a much more complex dream.  In it I was trapped in a parking lot after trying all sorts of vehicular attempts to drive past customs in order to leave (I'd just been to The States, so perhaps that's why I had borders on my mind).

I found the Concours sitting on some shipping containers at the back of the lot and suddenly I'm riding it like a trials bike, jumping down from one container to the next until I get down and am able to escape from the parking lot.  Cars couldn't get me out of there but my bike could!

Strangely, I can't recall dreaming about the Ninja, though I spent a lot of time turning it blue again.  Maybe the soul of the machine isn't in the finish.  I've spent a lot more time deep inside the Connie getting it road worthy, perhaps that time has endeared it to me.  In any case, I feel a kinship to the Connie that I haven't with the Ninja, which makes me look forward to the end of the cold even more.

I was originally thinking about where to get Kawasaki stickers once I've got it refinished, but now I'm thinking of finding some Corellian Engineering Corporation stickers and doing the Concours up in full Millennium Falcon style.

From the documentary:  Why We Ride

Sanding Concours

One small heater does the job now that I have
garage door insulation installed.

A good couple of hours were spent in the garage today getting the scratches and dents out of various Concours panels.  The previous owner had used some kind of plastic filler to put back together the lower right fairing after it had been dropped.  With some hand sanding today I've gotten it close enough to prime and prep for a round of painting.  If it isn't perfect it'll be much closer than it was.

I'm trying to find the Tremclad metallic red similar to the blue I used on the Ninja, but I'm having trouble finding it.  Home Depot seems to have dried up on it.  That paint with the gloss clear coat comes very close to looking like it came from a body shop.

I'll keep looking.

The small heater did a good job of heating up the room to 18°C (it was -8°C outside).  The garage door blanket is doing its job nicely.

Got the rear fairing piece around the seat off and prepped for painting.

Everything sanded and cleaned, ready for some primer.

Connie stripped down to the tank.

California Snapshots

I went to California for the first time over the mid-winter break.  I was out there on a family trip so I didn't have many opportunities to ride, but while there I made a point of trying to understand California biking culture.  When you can ride year round biking becomes much less of a niche means of transport.

Here are some snap shots and thoughts from the trip:

LANE SPLITTING or FILTERING

This is something that is a real no-no up here in the safety North.  Talking to a cabbie about it, he said you need to be really careful about changing lanes.  If you hit a filtering biker while changing lanes in a cage you're likely to take the blame.

Riders in California expect cars to not crowd the gaps between lanes and will make them aware of it if they do.  I saw a guy on a sports bike revving the snot out of it to move an SUV out of his way while he was filtering.

At first lane splitting looked like a dangerous thing to do, but if it makes cage drivers more aware of bikers and offers a real advantage to getting through the attrocious L.A. traffic for riders, then I'm coming around.




LOS ANGELES IS BROKEN

From the moment we landed at the most disorganized airport I've ever been to (LAX) and the subsequent traffic chaos all around L.A., I've come to the conclusion that the place is broken.

Rides at Disney world appear to mimic the hell that is driving
in LA with remarkable accuracy - do people do this for fun?

The roads in the rest of California were lovely, but around L.A. they make Ontario's frost heaved slabs look smooth.  With virtually no public transit infrastructure and a fanatical car culture, L.A. is the kind of place you can expect to spend half of your life sitting in traffic.

On a coach trip out to Universal Studios I was able to look down into the cars sitting in traffic.  At any one time more than 90% of the drivers had a smartphone out on their laps.  We saw many accidents in the L.A. area - every single one was an unexplained rear-end collision.  I can explain those 'accidents'.

L.A.'s car culture has become L.A.'s distracted driving culture.  I'd rather drive in Tokyo or London than L.A. any day of the week.  They say Toronto's commute is now worse than L.A.'s, but Toronto (GTA ~6 million) is a tiny burg compared to Los Angeles (>18 million).  The dozens of highways that bisect L.A. aren't up to handling the full on assault of those millions of thumb texters behind the wheel.


  
L.A. STUNTING

While sitting in traffic (behind another unexplained rear end collision) we had a group of sports bike riders doing their thing on the access road next to the highway.  The group must have been almost one hundred big and were all revving, wheelying and otherwise stunting themselves silly on a sunny new year's day.



It was fun to watch them while we crawled along interminably in the never ending freeway traffic.  The bikes were all very customized with both paint and go-faster bits, and their riders looked like they were having a riot.

You might frown at their antics, but when you consider the alternative is to sit in the cavalcade of metal boxes on the freeway, texting before you run into someone, I'm not sure if they don't have the right idea.



I thought they were more entertaining than any of the very serious pirates we saw filtering by on their Harleys on the highway.





MULHOLLAND DRIVE

Is one of those icons of Southern California, so I made a point of making the drive down it.  It's a very long stretch of road that eventually turns into the Mulholland highway and goes all the way to the ocean.

We started at the beginning right out of Studio City in Burbank and the road was terrible!  I guess rich people don't live on this bit.  You'd need an ADV bike to make any time on tarmac this bad.  For a place that doesn't get much frost, I'm not sure how their roads can be this rough.

Fortunately, once you get past the first bit the pavement improves dramatically (rich people live here).  The ride is fantastic and the road (named after the engineer who built it) is a testament to imaginative road design over challenging terrain.  We turned off on the 405 and headed to the airport to fly home to freezing Ontario, but Mulholland deserves a look if you're in Southern California, just grit your teeth on the opening stretch.

PALOMAR MOUNTAIN

I've had a poster of the Hale telescope on Mount Palomar on my wall since I was a kid.  The chance to see it in the flesh was one of the highlights of this trip for me.  The trip up the mountain, from sea level to five and half thousand feet, looked pretty epic too.

I, unfortunately, had to do the road in a rented RAV4, which felt like a double decker bus loaded with lead.  The happier people at the top had a variety of two wheel conveyances to get them there, with sports bikes being the clear favourite - not a cruiser in sight.

The guys hanging out at Mother's Kitchen (great veggie food!) were an all ages sports bike party, with Keith Code look-a-likes and younger riders all chatting amiably about the their machines and the road.

Bikes ranged from super sports and even sport tourers like the Interceptor to light-weight nakeds.

It was a cool day in late December when we went up the mountain.  The temperature dropped from high teens to about twelve degrees at the summit - all sunny though.  The riders didn't seem cold.  Riding up that insanely wiggly 20+ miles of mountain road would be an aerobic workout of the first order.

The observatory itself is completely free to the public, offers parking and a museum with crazy-cheap merchandise (if astronomy hoodies are your thing).  You could spend a perfect day riding up and around Palomar mountain before going for a walk around one of the biggest mirrors in the world.

With a variety of roads, a state park, the observatory and that lovely little restaurant, Palomar mountain just outside of San Diego is a great destination for any biker, and a must see for those bikers with the astronomy bug.

A few days after our trip up there it snowed, but for most years this is the exception rather than the rule.


PRICES IN A YEAR ROUND BIKING CULTURE

While in La Jolla (just north of San Diego), I checked out some of the local bike shops.  The prices are heart stoppingly low if you're used to Canadian numbers.  You might find a one piece leather suit up here for $600 on the bottom end, but down there the same level of kit is half the price.  Out of curiosity, I wondered what it would cost to outfit myself to ride with all new kit down here.  At Cycle Gear in San Diego it ended up being a shade over $300 for a new helmet, gloves, boots, riding pants and jacket... unreal!


SUMMARY

If you like to ride, California offers some fantastic roads (not in the L.A. area) that beg to be explored.  We also hit Joshua Tree National Park on our travels and it is other wordly!  There are few straight lines, even riding the hilly highways around San Diego would feel special to someone from table-flat Ontario.  There is a vibrant, large biking culture that shows through in the shear variation you see.  I can't wait to go back and experience the place as it was meant to be experienced, on two wheels.

Bike Bag: Tesseract Dream Motorcycle Accessory

It's as crazy as it looks, and
utterly fantastic!

I'm sitting on the beach in Lajoya California as a I write this. It's a comfortable 18° Celsius and I'm missing my bike. I can always rent something down here, but the road I just did begs a bike I'm familiar with; I was watching the guys in their worn leathers and sports bikes with envy.

The road to the Palomar observatory is a knee down roller coaster that takes you five thousand feet up to one of the biggest mirrors in the world. It's a road that makes me wish my Ninja was here instead of a rental bike that doesn't feel familiar and is, quite frankly, designed for looks rather than athletics; virtually all rental choices are cruiser or retro based.

After watching Interstellar I started reading about tesseracts and multi-dimensional mechanics. The first thing I'd create with my new-found multi-dimensional engineering skills would be the Bike Bag™!  You press the zipper up against a wall and roll your bike and gear in.

The idea's been around for a while.

 Once you zip it up you can roll up the zipper and put it in your pocket.  When you get where you're going you put the zipper up on a wall again and when you unzip it there is your bike and gear ready to go.  A carry on bag and an airline ticket and I'd be ready to ride pretty much anywhere I landed.

I'd have been able to tackle the road up to the big eye in the sky with something other than cautious optimism with my preferred road weapon.